The Melbourne (M-I-Z) Z-O-U

Australians don't say "bless you" after you sneeze, there is no left turn on red (our version of right on red) and you are required by law to wear a helmet when riding a bike, no matter what. Also, there is no right to bear arms (you must have an extremely exclusive permit to buy a gun), taxes are rolled up into the store prices (so if the sign says $9.90, you pay $9.90), and there's no tipping.

I couldn't think of a good way to start this post, so I'd figure I would lead with that.

Of the things mentioned above, I agree with exactly....one of them. Saying "bless you" is courteous and shows caring, what's wrong with that? Not being able to turn on a red light stalls traffic and makes driving a pain. A bike is a toy...what type of toy comes with safety equipment required by law? ("Here you gonna Johnny, here's your G.I. Joe action figure and Xbox. And here's accessory that will keep you from swallowing the Joe, and special darkened glasses to keep the xbox from burning your eyes out.") Outlawing firearms is boring; what would Southerns do on the weekends if we didn't have firearms? And no tipping is just lazy. Do the mental math and be a giver, it's not hard. The only thing I like from that list is the fact that taxes are rolled up into the prices. It's unimaginably convenient, one of the best things about Australia by far.

Another 'best thing about Australia by far' is the Melbourne Zoo! Last Saturday, I took a spontaneous trip to the Melbourne Zoo. (It wasn't too spontaneous or even that difficult. It's 5 minutes from my house.) I flashed my Student ID, paid the reduced fee and began my tour of Melbourne's finest zoo.

Let's begin with my overall impression of the zoo.

Very. Cool.

As zoos goes, the Melbourne Zoo was definitely enjoyable. I had never been to a zoo by myself before, so it was nice being able to go at my own pace and do my own thing. It was also nice because most of the zoo looked like this:

There could easily be a Puma that escaped from its cage and is waiting to ambush you, and you'd never know it.

The entire zoo was as tropical as it could be; it made for a nice escape from the concrete jungle of the CBD. It took me over three hours to get through the zoo, but it was a great way to spend three hours. It was a gorgeous day, highs in the mid-70s with a light breeze. Everybody at the zoo was enjoying the perfect weather, including this guy.

He sunbathes better than you, and if you think otherwise, I wouldn't tell him to his face.

The lion exhibit was one of my top five favorite exhibits in the zoo. The zoo has four male lions, all brothers. I went by the exhibit twice, once in the late morning and once in the early afternoon. In the morning, the lions were resting (they sleep 20 hours a day) and I took the above picture. In the afternoon, after my camera battery had run out (stupid stupid stupid), I went back to the exhibit to find that it was feeding time. Feeding time makes the lions excited. And excited lions roar. All four of them. Imagine the deepest bass you've heard on a song or in concert. You know, that full, deep, rich sound. Think of that, make it surround sound, crank it up to 100 and multiply by 3. That's the sound coming from one lion when it roars. It's the type of sound that makes your brain go "Well that just can't possibly be coming from that lion, there's just no way." The roar has so much depth and power to it, it makes you wonder how the gazelle don't keel over just from the fear of the roar itself. Lions = impressive.

A lot of the animals at the zoo were impressive, just in a different way than the lion. For example, the Great Tortoise was one of my favorite animals at the zoo. You were able to get pretty close to the Tortoise, and the keeper was there answering questions and keeping the Tortoises lively and active. The Great Tortoise can live to be over 250 years old, and an average sized male weighs about 550 lbs. For all of you thinking what I'm thinking, yes, that is larger than most Australian cars.

You think I'm joking. You have to get a special driver's license to keep one as a pet.

The keeper (seen above, as for a size comparison to the Tortoise) was very helpful with questions, and enticed the Tortoise into actually moving (!) with some carrots. Thanks to her, we were able to see the Tortoise gracefully, skillfully and harmoniously navigate its exhibit.

Just kidding. He may be a looker, but he was definitely not graceful.

There is absolutely no way that a Hare lost to a Tortoise. We need to launch an investigation into the outcome of this event. There had to be insider gambling or steroid usage or something. I'll contact the FBI and get back to you guys on this one.

Moving on, I went by the giraffe exhibit. Little did I know, it was actually a three-for-one special! They kept emus, zebras and giraffes all in the same enclosure. Now, I have known about giraffes since preschool, and I've seen giraffes on multiple occasions at other zoos, but no matter how many times I see them, they are still shockingly tall. And for the first time, I noticed that they are shockingly stout, too. Yes, they have legs that are most likely made out of balsa wood and all you would have to do to escape a giraffe is climb under a desk, but they are surprisingly think through the chest and neck. Oh, and they're tall, too.

It's a "which neck is longer" contest.

Being tall can be very advantageous at times. It helps them reach the tops of trees to feed, and they don't have to worry about not being able to see the screen at the movies. Also, it helps them really connect with their neighbors.

Sup man?

Giraffes are kind of goofy animals, but that's what makes them fun. I also couldn't help but think of Melman from Madagascar, so that made them a lot more interesting, too.

How many animals are in this picture?

I left the giraffes and went to the bird section of the zoo. The zoo had all shapes and sizes of birds, most of which I couldn't care less about, but some were pretty interesting. And before you ask the question, yes I did see a Kookaburra, just not in a gumtree. The zoo had what they called the aviary cage, which at first seemed only halfway cool, but then I realized that I had been walking for about 10 minutes and still was not at the end of the cage.

The aviary cage single-handedly made birds cool.

I finally made it out of the aviary cage, ditched the blue-headed finches that were trying to build a nest in my hair, and went on to the jungle section of the zoo. I tried to take pictures of the walkways, but the walkway was so dark from the extensive tree cover, the pictures kept coming out blurry from lack of light. The jungle walkways really made it feel like you had stepped into the Brazilian rain forest. I kept walking along the dark, cool paths, and then I turned the corner and saw the best animal ever.

Can I get a M - I - Z!! Z - O - U!!

You see how the light shines down on the Tiger, the only light in the entire exhibit? That's because the tiger is God's chosen animal, his supreme animal for all his colleges, er creation.

You can't look at that face and say you wouldn't want to take him home. 

After taking these pictures, the tigers woke up, noticed me, came over and wished me good luck in my travels. They told me to wish the football team good luck as well, gave me a quick chest bump, and then went back to sleep.

Remember when I said that the lions were one of my top five favorite exhibits, and so were the tortoises? Well the tigers are on that list, also. Another animal on that list is the....

Human. Just kidding, it's the elephant.

The zoo had an extremely well done elephant exhibit. They have one male elephant and four female elephants, and even two baby elephants! I think the term 'baby elephant' is a bit of a misnomer, because that's kind of like saying 'a small aircraft carrier'. A baby elephant is still a huge animal! The male elephant, above, was in the barn getting his daily bath. The keeper uses those two orange poles to direct the elephant into standing in certain positions, and doing certain actions, such as lifting his trunk, raising a foot, or lying down. It may sound mediocre, but seeing an animal of this size is awe-inspiring, and then seeing an animal of this size lay down, stay on its hind legs, and do other maneuvers is a whole other matter. The elephant exhibit was my favorite exhibit at the zoo.

I dare you to play Sharks and Minnows with him.

The elephant was definitely my favorite exhibit, and I stayed there for the longest, but it wasn't the only cool animal in the zoo. There were a lot of cool animals, but not many can chill in style as well as...the monkey.

The zenith of chilling. It's an art form for him.

The zoo had a series of exhibits for all of the marsupials, and each exhibit was just as awesome as the next. There's something about monkeys that just make you happy. They just look like they're constantly having fun! I mean seriously, if you could be any animal, the majority of us would choose the monkey. I can almost personally guarantee 75% of males under the age of 12 would choose monkey, and I speak from experience.

Overall, the zoo was an awesome experience. So awesome in fact, that I'm going to do it again! I have friends coming in town this weekend who are working as zoo keepers in Tasmania and they want to go to the zoo, so I'm going back again.

As for the rest of Melbourne, my stay here is going great. Work is really starting to pick up, and the construction is starting to get under way. I'm really enjoying working with my manager and foreman, and I'm learning a lot about project management and how much paperwork depresses people.

Thanks for reading my blog, and I'd love to hear from you! Let me know if you have any questions or anything else. Cheers, mate!